It’s possible past experiences have colored his current outlook. He may just need time to overcome those experiences—but don’t cross your fingers. He might be afraid to let someone in. Hey, love is a scary, scary thing! The thought of getting close to someone and the relationship falling apart is enough to drive a lot of people away from dating altogether.
It’s possible you’re one of several irons he’s got in the fire. He could be refusing to commit to a single person because he’s interested in seeing multiple people at once, so unless you’re OK with that, it might not work out with this guy.
He may just need to move slowly with you, but there’s a difference between recovering from a breakup and not being over his ex, so proceed with caution. If he’s hung up on his ex, a relationship with this guy is almost certain to be dissatisfying.
This seduction tactic is often employed by people with low self-esteem (as is its cousin, negging) and is designed to lower your self-esteem enough that you think he’s a catch. [5] X Research source
If his interest has noticeably waned, it could mean he’s met someone else he’s more interested in.
He might think he’s not good enough for you. Humility is a great characteristic in a partner, but insecurity…not so much. It’s possible he’s waiting for you to make more moves! Ask yourself if you’ve made it clear that you like him and want to pursue something with him—or if you’ve been waiting on him to make the moves.
If you suspect this pertains to your guy, take it slow! His cold feet might thaw out in time. You may not be ready for a big commitment either—but make sure he knows that! He’ll take comfort in knowing there’s no pressure.
It’s also possible that you’re not what he wants right now. Maybe you’re relationship material, and he’s looking for a fling, or vice versa. Like ships passing in the night.
He may have picked up on a random red flag while getting to know you—something he just doesn’t want in his romantic life. He might have realized you’re not compatible—maybe you don’t have the same goals or interests or values—and it’s likely that if you kept dating, you would realize it too. Maybe he just felt like you didn’t gel! The heart wants what it wants (and it doesn’t want what it doesn’t want).
If he’s afraid of rejection or is too shy, or if he’s playing hard to get because he doesn’t know what he’s doing, you may be able to break through the façade and win him over. If he’s trying to mess with your head or just wants sex, it’s probably a waste of your energy to pursue him (unless you also just want sex). If he’s not interested in you—maybe because he’s found someone else or he just doesn’t think you’re compatible—don’t waste your time trying to convince him. There are lots of other fish in the sea.
Try not to frame it as an accusation; instead, say something like, “I just want to make sure we’re both on the same page,” or “I feel like things have shifted, so I wanted to check in. ” He may have lost interest and been too afraid to let you know—or maybe he thinks ghosting is the kinder option. He might be reluctant to share how he’s feeling because he doesn’t know how he’s feeling. In that case, reassure him he doesn’t have to have all the answers or be ready to commit to a lifetime with you, and that he just needs to let you know where he’s at in the moment.
The healthy version of that whole distancing dating technique is just. . . being independent and living your life! If he’s afraid of commitment, seeing that you have a healthy life balance might help him relax a bit (and really want you).
If you really like this guy, it’s probably best to cut ties. Staying connected with him could only make the situation messier and make it harder for you to forget him.
Maybe you knew he wasn’t worth pursuing and are kicking yourself for sticking around anyway—don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all been there! Use it as a learning experience for the future.
